Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
