oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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