just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
