Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
birth control should be required to get into college
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
