If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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