I'm eating all of the evidence.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
