If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
