don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
