After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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