Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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