The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
