Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
