At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
