we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
