i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
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