DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
