His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
