So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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