This is not my ceiling
Porn is love you can see.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
