i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
he wants to bone in the snuggie
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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