Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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