I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
