I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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