sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
so let's talk penis.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
