just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
