i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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