I heard we made out
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
