She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
