I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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