I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
