Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
