I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
