By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
