I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
