Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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