she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
