I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
