Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
