I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
