I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
