If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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