I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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