I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
