The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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