Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
