watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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