...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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