so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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