I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
