Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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