I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
