I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
And then he peed in my hair
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