My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you traded sex for a burrito?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
